WFH
(A poem)
I originally wrote this for a friend (the cous cous incident is based on real events) but thought I'd share it here, too.
At last, the chance to work from home,
I’ll be oh so productive.
Just five more minutes’ beauty sleep,
Then something more constructive.
Oh gosh, it’s nearly ten to nine,
I must just put a wash on.
I’ll quickly do the urgent bits,
Oh look, I’ve lost a button.
Where did I leave the sewing kit?
Best get that stitch in time.
Good grief, this drawer’s a right old mess,
Oh cripes, it’s half past nine.
I’ll take a shorter lunch break,
I’ll work a little late.
I had such good intentions
To be at my desk at eight.
The laptop’s taking ages,
As it downloads an update.
I’d best do something useful,
If it’s going to make me wait.
Those pots from last night’s dinner,
They’re not going to wash themselves.
And while the sink is filling up,
I’ll tidy up those shelves.
Oh balls! I’ve dropped the cous cous,
It’s exploded on the floor.
The water’s overflowing,
And I’ve still not cleared that drawer.
There’s no point getting started yet,
I’ll log in on the hour.
Then fly through my to do list,
With some new-found superpower.
I’ve got eleven minutes,
So I’ll make a cup of tea,
And while the kettle boils,
Have a mini cleaning spree.
The fish tank’s looking grubby,
The boys can hardly see.
I can’t just leave them in there,
Peering through all that debris.
I’ll put out some fresh water,
Get the temperature just right.
Then when I’ve finished all my work,
I’ll clean them out tonight.
You can’t just start work on a whim,
You can’t jump in too fast.
So everyone will understand,
If I log in at half past.
Now I’m sure I saw a blog post,
That gave ten tips and tricks,
On staying motivated,
(I lost interest at six).
The computer’s up and running,
And I’m ready to get cracking,
I know my username,
It’s just my password that is lacking.
There’s no point sitting waiting,
For an answer from IT.
So I’ll go and raid the fridge,
And finally have that cup of tea.
But the kitchen is a war zone,
Doused in tiny bits of wheat.
It’s found every nook and cranny,
And now covers my poor feet.
I tip-toe to the cupboard,
For a dustpan and a broom,
Forget the sink flowed over,
As I slide across the room.
Head-first into the fish water,
I’m launched into the bucket.
Now soaking wet and angry,
I yell out, “ARGH, OH… BOTHER”.
I hobble to the bedroom,
Dripping water on the floor,
But the washing pile’s tipped over,
And now barricades the door.
My desk looks quite appealing now,
Compared to all those chores.
Ah well, I’ll get some work done,
Since it’s only half past four.
I’ll be oh so productive.
Just five more minutes’ beauty sleep,
Then something more constructive.
Oh gosh, it’s nearly ten to nine,
I must just put a wash on.
I’ll quickly do the urgent bits,
Oh look, I’ve lost a button.
Where did I leave the sewing kit?
Best get that stitch in time.
Good grief, this drawer’s a right old mess,
Oh cripes, it’s half past nine.
I’ll take a shorter lunch break,
I’ll work a little late.
I had such good intentions
To be at my desk at eight.
The laptop’s taking ages,
As it downloads an update.
I’d best do something useful,
If it’s going to make me wait.
Those pots from last night’s dinner,
They’re not going to wash themselves.
And while the sink is filling up,
I’ll tidy up those shelves.
Oh balls! I’ve dropped the cous cous,
It’s exploded on the floor.
The water’s overflowing,
And I’ve still not cleared that drawer.
There’s no point getting started yet,
I’ll log in on the hour.
Then fly through my to do list,
With some new-found superpower.
I’ve got eleven minutes,
So I’ll make a cup of tea,
And while the kettle boils,
Have a mini cleaning spree.
The fish tank’s looking grubby,
The boys can hardly see.
I can’t just leave them in there,
Peering through all that debris.
I’ll put out some fresh water,
Get the temperature just right.
Then when I’ve finished all my work,
I’ll clean them out tonight.
You can’t just start work on a whim,
You can’t jump in too fast.
So everyone will understand,
If I log in at half past.
Now I’m sure I saw a blog post,
That gave ten tips and tricks,
On staying motivated,
(I lost interest at six).
The computer’s up and running,
And I’m ready to get cracking,
I know my username,
It’s just my password that is lacking.
There’s no point sitting waiting,
For an answer from IT.
So I’ll go and raid the fridge,
And finally have that cup of tea.
But the kitchen is a war zone,
Doused in tiny bits of wheat.
It’s found every nook and cranny,
And now covers my poor feet.
I tip-toe to the cupboard,
For a dustpan and a broom,
Forget the sink flowed over,
As I slide across the room.
Head-first into the fish water,
I’m launched into the bucket.
Now soaking wet and angry,
I yell out, “ARGH, OH… BOTHER”.
I hobble to the bedroom,
Dripping water on the floor,
But the washing pile’s tipped over,
And now barricades the door.
My desk looks quite appealing now,
Compared to all those chores.
Ah well, I’ll get some work done,
Since it’s only half past four.
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